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The holidays are always rough on me. I fly up to northen California and I have to leave my true love behind: my PC. This year, I got so lonely and depressed and emo about not being able to play Modern Warfare 2 that I actually wrote a powem(!). Yes, you read that right, a powem, which is of course short for power poem. If it was just a poem then it wouldn't be l33t.

Note: This powem was born from my love for MW2. If you don't understand this powem, then you are bad at buying good games.

The Fight Before Christmas
a powem by Brolo

'Twas the night before christmas, and all through the house,
not a gizmo was whirring, except for my mouse.
The monitor pulsated, spit a red glow,
as killstreaks and headshots came fast in a row.

Then out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I said to myself "Go see what's the matter!"
But at that same moment my killstreak extended,
In less than a minute the match would be ended.

An AC-130 rose into the heavens;
As red boxes scattered, my streak passed eleven.
The foes knew just as I did that their end was near,
the t-nuke was a-cooking... wait what did I hear??

I crept to the window, lip quivering with fear
(I have a phobia that involves a reindeer)
But my guardian angel took pity on me,
for no reindeer in sight; just elves with NVG.

One dainty dwarf hoisted a grenade overhead,
while another elf yanked on the pin with a thread.
Then with surprising strength, given such a small bloke,
the elf heaved it to my rooftop, trailing red smoke!

A Stinger was required to protect this house;
I sneaked to the armory, quiet as a mouse,
Then up past the attic, through the secret trapdoor.
My weapon was ready; I was eager for war.

I listened intently and from out of the east,
there came a faint jingle and the snort of a beast.
Something was approaching, so I aimed down my sight
at whatever was lighting that single red light.

The chirp of a target lock beeped with a quickness;
my murderous missile flew into the darkness.
That mysterious craft, so ripe with foreboding,
would soon be bye-bye, 'cuz that shit was exploding.

But right before impact, it jettisoned its flares,
like an angel of death way up in the night air;
Still the craft hurdled towards me, heedless and bold,
then screeched to a halt, while something fell from its hold.

A large metal crate clattered onto the shingles.
Inside was a gift that kinda made me tingle:
A relationship handbook (along with some lube)
titled "Tactical Insertion: Use your Noob Tube".

I grinned like a child as a tear escaped my eye;
It was just what I wanted, this book and KY.
How could I thank the kind man hovering above
who would repay my attempted murder with love?

A whoosh whooshed overhead, my smile melted away,
for Manta Claus was picking up speed in his sleigh.
But I heard him exclaim, 'fore he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all! Hope you get laid tonight!"

Join me on Steam for MW2! Brolo's Mosh Pit!!!!!

Fancy a little of the ultra-violence, MW2-style? Join the Steam group "Brolo's Mosh Pit" and get ready to pwn everything that moves. Don't be shy! Oh, and if you're a console gamer, don't feel left out. I have some plans in the work... we'll make sure you guys get some love, too. \m/

What I'm listening to: Vektor

This band is incredible. Simply incredible. Progressive black thrash metal heavily influenced by science fiction. Yeah, you read that right; they have a song titled "Expanding Universe" and another called "Deoxyribonucleic Acid". They melt faces whilst quoting Asimov. I have a man-crush on these guys.